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into the chrysanthemum tea ♥
あたしには あなただけよ...
Homeless.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012 // back to top?
YEA RIGHT. I can't survive staying here. It's been the 3rd month since I lived here and the fact that now I really have to change course turned my motivation off in an instant.
I don't feel like staying here anymore. I want to go home. But then if I do, what will people say about my family? I always,
always, become a burden to my family's
name. There are times I feel like crying and wanting to end up this life but hey, I can't be selfish any more than this.
I'm so thankful, though, that I have a lot of good awesome friends in the net. At least in one of the
worlds I'm living in, I'm happy. I wish I have someone like my net-friends to accompany me to school. That way I think I'll be able to contain all of these ugly feelings and move on at least until December.
It's been a week since I didn't go to school. Well, I tried. I went to one of the schedules and when I was about to go into the class, my head feel so dizzy and I was about to vomit for real. In the end I escaped and went home. Honestly, I don't feel comfy at the 'homestay' as well at the moment. My housemates, they'll always ask me how's my school and told me to go to school and deal with my feelings easily. Well, just because you've been thru such a
hard time, doesn't mean that I can do it just like you. We have different background and how we deal with problems is different.
I tend to lock myself in my room instead of socializing. Ridiculous really. I always feel like crying but I can't properly cry; which it makes me feel like shit.
I really want to go back home. But where is
home?