あたしには あなただけよ...

テレビに映っていた場所は（青空がきれいだった）
今でも何処かにあって（早く　見つけてほしい）
涙こらえながら
現実に迷いながら
探しているの　次のドアを・・・
F i n d m e

Xindi. ( Art is my life ) twenty twelve nineteen ninety three.
I believe in fairy tales and dreams. I believe they're meant to be true in my life..

Ew.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011 // back to top?

I just told mom that when i got 18, i might start to get a 'simple' job. Well, i'm planning to make a drawing commission that uses Paypal as the payment, and maybe i'll get some crafts to be sold. Mom told me that it's better for me to work into some kind of office stuffs, or some sort of it. I told her that i don't have graduation certificate, but she replied that it'd be fine if i got into someone-we-know-well's office.

Tbh i wanna work in some places like library \: it's calm n the job doesn't frustrate me. Ever since i worked in UC's library during the working week at school, i found it really fun to work in the library. Though the job is quite a lot, but it doesn't brings me to stress or pressure. It's quite fun.

Ehm. okay the way i talk abt this seems like i won't go for school anymore, is it? Lately my parents are in search of some tours to go to Aussie, but my instinct told me that my path doesn't lead to that country, somehow. My mom said that it isn't abt the path, it's about being patient. But i think it's not really abt being patient. i have to find another possible paths that i have to walk on if my instinct was right. i mean, i don't have much more time to waste \: but honestly, if i'm able not to go to school anymore, that'd be great hahas.

However, if i really am not going to school anymore, i honestly am thinking, to... ... ... ... get away from this fam. That's what deep inside said. I don't wanna become a shame to my fam, u know. but i can't, of course. how selfish i am if i do so. i rmb the day Mr.Eric interviewed me when i decided to get Diploma during my highschool days. He asked me, 'Why do you want to get into DP?' and i confidently answered 'because i'm the oldest daughter out of my siblings and cousins; i want to make them proud of me and i want to be a good example for them.' OMG SUCH A BULLSHIT YOU'RE TALKING, XIN!!! dammit why did i even said so. sigh. who would know that my future will turn this way? i have NEVER ever thought that my future might be as gloomy as it is before. i never get myself ready for such situation beforehand.

hmm. idk \: i don't want and am NOT ready to attend school again. kinda. ugh. what the heck am i talking abt. ew.

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