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into the chrysanthemum tea ♥
あたしには あなただけよ...
There's This Bitter-Sweet Feeling..
Wednesday, June 8, 2011 // back to top?
...when i met my old friends and also while visiting my old school. Yesterday i went to DBL arena to watch my school's basketball and cheers team competing on the field. I went w 2 of my girl friends and a boy who drove the car; he's a friend of mine since elementary school. Before, i mean, last year, i haven't had the chance to tell him the reason why i was absent for the whole week. He always recognized it whenever i was down hahas ^^;; and yesterday, he asked me something that makes me stunned, again.
There was a traffic that time. He was like, rather mad coz he had to wait quite a while (He loves to speed up). Then, coz i sat behind him, i can see that he was like spacing out; looking out the window. Then out of nowhere he asked, 'Xin, what was the exact reason for you to move?' I was like, speechless and let nothing out from my mouth except laughter. Glad that he then revert the conversation, we then talked abt something else while in my mind that question, honesty, kept on echoing.
Idk y but i hv to write this coz i think it's kinda special to me (hahas!) He bought a ticket of the competition for me lol~ he didn't even give me a chance to ask how much the price is. So, yea.
Okay, the story goes on. Today i went to my school to watch the school's last assembly. My 2 girl friends asked me to come, n since i was interested, i decided to come. I found out that i feel kinda happy when my old friends warmly welcomed me n hugged me when they saw that i came. But then when the assembly starts, i feel something like, surely weird.
During the awards distribution, performances, and staff's farewell, i feel sort of, lonely. I feel like everyone r moving forward. They set up their goals and they're pursuing it. Some r moving far, far away and some did their best to expand their talents and i was like, 'What am i going to do?'. I looked around n thought, i was there. When the video of Osis's camp was shown, i can spot myself over there. I can't afford myself to smile. I was there.
And now i feel out of place.
After the assembly, everyone r going back to the class to get their reports. I waited in the corridor n i'm so glad that the teachers cheerfully talked to me and asked how everything's going on. Everytime they asked 'How are you?' i always found it hard to answer 'I'm fine.' therefore i only answered it with 'i'm OK! (:'
The teacher who before supported me at his best shook my hand n asked 'How are you? Are you doing fine or well?' and i answered 'I'm doing just fine. Well, you know, it's kinda hard to get lots of friends there (in the college) coz they're doing everything individually.'
'You're right.' He answered. 'Well, at least you can now understand that you shouldn't take things too personally like what you did before.' Somehow i was a bit stunned by this sentence. Even until now i can still remember it really well the way he said that. i replayed things over n over n idk. i feel sort of torn?
And i decided to move w/o giving any info to my friends. My fault. I shouldn't regret it. If i saw my other 2 friends who are moving to Singapore n America being hugged and given such a warm farewell; hugging, crying, those 'please don't cry! we will meet again!' sayings, i shouldn't feel envy. I'm the one to decide on going suddenly. If i'm doing things on the reverse on my expectation, then DON'T expect. Okay, my fault. Nothing to be envy about.
My points in this post seems to be slanted a lot. But whatsoever. I say what i wanna say. I wonder if i can understand my own post later on.