Follow me
into the chrysanthemum tea ♥
あたしには あなただけよ...
| . | . | |||
| /// | ^ | /// | ||
| . | ||||
| about | ||||
| entries | ||||
| affiliates | ||||
| tagboard | ||||
| x | ||||
あたしには あなただけよ...
テレビに映っていた場所は（青空がきれいだった）Xindi. ( Art is my life ) twenty twelve nineteen ninety three.
今でも何処かにあって（早く 見つけてほしい）
涙こらえながら
現実に迷いながら
探しているの 次のドアを・・・
F i n d m e
Who are you? In comparison to whom you used to be. What made you change?
My real name is Cindy, but I use my mandarin name, Xindi, instead because I don’t like a common name. I was really really talkative. I had huge curiosity that I wanted to bug into someone else’s conversation, asking them about what they’re talking about without in fear of being hated.
I could easily get along with new people, I was friendly but some people said my appearance wasn’t friendly enough. I used to wish that I was a boy. I act like a boy and I dressed like a boy, but I never cut my hair too short. I like to be friends with boys instead of girls because the feeling of being so carefree about what I say and being who I am isn’t a matter if I’m with boys.
That was me years and years ago. Everything’s changed.
I talk less than how I used to be; I fear people will hate me or judge me by the things I’m talking about. I’m not interested at other’s conversation anymore; that’s their business, not mine, so I guess I won’t waste my time thinking about other people’s thought because no matter what I say, they’re not gonna change their mind anyway (mostly).
Social is one of my main problems. I can hardly make new friends because I’m scared of being betrayed. I’m not that close with my boy friends anymore because of some reasons, well, probably because stereotype has took over the ‘carefree’?
What makes me changed was comments, and how people treated me. People judged me for who I AM and one by one said that they hate me. I thought I can be careless about these useless comments but deep inside, it made me changed. I’m afraid that people will disappointed when they knows the real me (either by appearance and characters). I was trying to be honest but what I said often ended up hurting some people. So I decided to hide who I really am. I can reveal the true me if there’s someone I can trust is willing to accept me who I am.
I kinda miss the old me, but I must say that I’ve improved lots of skills these days. I should be proud for who I am rn.